daughter Archives - 'ear 'ear! by Gaynor Young

Out of the mouths of babes!

Gaynor Young — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 03:27:44 +0000

While shopping, I noticed a man with his fingers laced into the small hand of his daughter. She looked to be about five. She was talking to him the whole time he wended his through the people before, beside and behind him. Her hair was beautifully braided and she wore a pink skirt and a t-shirt with a tele-tubby bear grinning happily on the front. Her father, carrying her red, helium-filled balloon, was weaving his way along the the pavement while she was telling him something of incredible interest and importance! I loved the way he would listen at the same time as negotiating the crowds, throwing out comments now and then. She would pay attention, nod her head and then would break again into her unstoppable chatter. Pulling him to a halt, her elfin face looked up at him. “But Dad, don’t you see…..”
He crouched down so that he was nearer her height and listened to her bubbly recitation. She finished and drew a breath. He said something to her and she burst out laughing and said: “You are saying that because you think differently to me. You’re a man!”
Placing both hands on his cheeks, she kissed him. Then taking his hand once more she skipped along beside him singing: “Suikerbossie will jou hê, suikerbossie wil jou hê……”
I wish that I had been able to hear more of their conversation. I loved his easy accessibility to her. He never appeared to talk down to her. He listened and responded as he would to a friend. And she treated him in exactly the same manner. I laughed to myself as I thought back on her final comment to him: “You are saying that because you think differently to me. You’re a man!”
Men and women do think differently. Men and women are totally different beings.

Different reactions on receiving
a sentimental, emotional letter
on their wedding day!

Women communicate in a much freer, easier way than men. They can talk through issues, focus on how to create solutions that work for an entire group, use non-verbal cues such as tone, emotion and empathy. Men on the other hand, tend to be more task oriented, less talkative and more isolated. Men have a hard time understanding emotions that are not spoken, while women tend to intuit emotions and emotional cues. These differences clearly explain why men and women sometimes have difficulty in communication and why men-to-men friendships look different from friendships among women.
I remember having a deep conversation with a man about the break up of mutual friends of ours. But I couldn’t seem to get through to him. I felt like I spoke a completely different language to his. In actual fact, I did. Men are different to women. Women need to vocalise the majority of their emotions. They then stand a far better chance at properly communicating with a man. I remember Dad asking Mum if anything was wrong. The fact that she had just had her hair cut and highlighted and he hadn’t noticed was besides the point!
“Nothing’s wrong”, my Mother said slamming his plate of food down before him. Behind Mum’s back, Liz, Megs and I made mad mimetic gestures at our hair to Dad until finally realisation dawned.
“Thought I’d wait until the food was served before I said how great your hair looks!” my Dad came out with eventually. Three children were glared at accusingly. “I didn’t say anything because you always look beautiful!” Women need to know that unless they are fairly vocal with their feelings, a lot is going to pass a man by!
It has been proved that men process better in the left hemisphere of the brain while women tend to process equally well between the two hemispheres. Men are stronger with left brain activities. They approach problem solving from a task oriented perspective. Men think in the following manner: “In order to solve this problem, I will need to get this done first, then this other thing, then this and then they all fit into place and it will all work very well!”
Multitasking does not even enter into the male vocabulary. This explains why men get irritated when their wives are doing two other things as well as having a discussion with them about something fairly important. ‘Why doesn’t she concentrate on our discussion? This is important’, they will fume. The thing is, their wife is concentrating on the discussion as well as doing two other things. Women are made that way.
For men, what demonstrates a solid relationship is quite different from that of most women. Men feel closer and validated through shared activities. Things like sports, competition, outdoor activities or sexual activities that are decidedly active and physical. Women, on the other hand, feel closer through communication, dialogue and intimate sharing of experience, emotional content and personal perspectives. Many men tend to find such sharing and involvement uncomfortable, if not, overwhelming.
Every person has female and male sides within themselves. I love sitting chatting to David, a friend who has a strong female side. I am not saying that he is effeminate. No, don’t get me wrong. He is a gorgeous, butch male. It is just that David has a strong female side and is able to sit and chat and share quite easily.
When men seek to understand and appreciate that which is feminine, they come to a deeper understanding of their softer side -that it’s ok to show emotion; it’s ok to cry. And when a women seeks to understand that which is masculine in men, they come to appreciate that it’s fine to want to be successful. They shouldn’t feel guilty about having career aspirations rather than being the perfect housewife.
It is important for men and women to learn to accept their differences. They should acknowledge them and make an attempt at compromising whenever they reach a mutual block. Compromise is something that I battle with. I think it is because I am single and basically I like pleasing myself. That is so wrong. Life should be made up of compromise.
The idea that one gender can think and feel like the other if they truly loved each is absurd. Sure, a man or women could act in consideration of the other’s needs, but this would not necessarily be rewarding and honest. Holding the benefit of another above our own is rewarding. But for most of us, it is important to be ourselves and to be accepted, and not to be the source of distress and disappointment in the lives of people we love.
“You are saying that because you think differently to me. You’re a man!” said my five year old girl to her father.
Out of the mouths of babes!

The post Out of the mouths of babes! appeared first on 'ear 'ear! by Gaynor Young.

Music of the Gods!

Gaynor Young — Fri, 19 Sep 2014 04:16:52 +0000

I am going to speak about something that is incredibly precious to me. Music! What makes this so exciting is that the music involved is an opera. An opera about my Mother and me!
Let me tell you how it all came about.
Rexleigh Bunyard is a musician-composer and music teacher. Out of blue, I received a e-mail from her in which she expressed the idea of wanting to write an opera about Mum and me. I read that sentence again. Yes, I had read it correctly. She wanted to write an opera about Mum and me! Why did she want to write an opera about….oh, of course, my accident! I spoke to Mum about this e-mail. She was not happy with this idea at all. Making enjoyable entertainment out of a heart shattering piece of life was lunacy, as far as she was concerned, definitely not on! But, she was willing to meet Rexleigh and hear what she had to say. While staying with my sister in Cape Town, Rexleigh came to see us.
On meeting Rexleigh, Mum’s antipathy to her fell away. Here was a woman who was open to our feelings and needs. If we had said that we were not happy with the whole concept, Rexleigh would have cancelled it instantly. We listened intently to Rexleigh’s idea.
In December 1989, Rexleigh had been greeted with the news of my fall when she opened the morning newspaper. Like the rest of South Africa she had followed my progress closely. She had always felt a close affinity for the life of Helen Keller and her amazing teacher, Anne Sullivan. She drew a parallel to the lives of Mum and me. “Both you and Helen Keller suffered extreme losses and emerged with the help of your mentors, as highly enriched human beings with extraordinary perspectives which you have shared with humanity, to our gain. I have the utmost admiration for people who have survived and triumphed over crippling events in their lives. My opera will be a tribute to your efforts and a testimony of your great spirit.”
Rexleigh told us that she would like to have the singers signing in the the production. “Although the signing would be a dramatic enhancement to the text and music, rather than an interpretive device for a deaf audience to be able to follow the whole story of the opera.”
Well, okay, but it would be pretty amazing just the same, I thought. How could one possibly put a stop to such an undertaking!
And so, Rexleigh began composing her opera Lost in a Bluebell Wood. She explained: “I chose opera as my medium because it has all the serious dramatic and musical ingredients to put across such a powerful tale. And, why Lost in a Bluebell Wood you may ask? “Well”, says Rexleigh “that is a long story, but it involves the paradox of loss and beauty.”
The arts journalist, Johan Myburg, asked why she decided on the Greek myth of Persephone and Demeter as a subtext for the opera?
“The profile of Gaynor Young’s story fits the symbolic profile of the Greek myth of Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest (mother) and Persephone (daughter). Persephone was captured by Hades (the Lord of the Underworld) and taken to his realm. Her mother, Demeter searched for her daughter over all the Earth. Upon discovering that she had been kidnapped, Demeter pleaded for her release. This was only partially granted, because the condition of her release was that she should not have eaten anything during her stay in Hades. As she was leaving, myth has it that Hades gave Persephone a pomegranate seed. She ate it and was thus thereafter allowed to live half the year in the world with her mother and half of the year in the Underworld, with Hades.”
This myth is a symbolic story about a seed falling into the ground and growing. Spring and Summer are the seasons of growth, and Autumn and Winter are the seasons of withdrawal when the seed lies in the ground, waiting for the next Spring.
Gaynor fell into the bowels of the earth, literally but also symbolical. She went on a very difficult life journey with extreme injuries as a result of her accident, from which she has emerged as a motivational speaker and inspirational writer. She says that her Mother raised her twice. The journey she took was as much a spiritual one as a physical one. She has been symbolically “reborn” like a seed which “dies” and then grows into a plant as part of its life cycle, to bear fruit and then cast its own seeds into the ground.”
I love the way Rexleigh has kept me updated on her work since she began. This was one of the first pieces she sent me. It is the words for a duet between mother and daughter….

I believe

there’s beauty to be found

in every moment

in silence and in sound

It’s in the air

it’s everywhere

even in our anguish

and our deepest dark,

beyond despair

When we have travelled

near or far

When we’re content to be

just who we are

It doesn’t matter anymore

If we are in the right

or wrong

What matters most is

if we sing the song

of life and laughter

tears and pain

and if we can forgive and let it go,

and love and lose it all,

and learn

to love again,

and love again

My heart sings with the beauty of this!
Rexleigh teaches so could only work on Lost in a Bluebell Wood in her spare time. But, a number of the songs are now complete! Rexleigh is showcasing them in ‘Bouquet’ on October 5th in the Stella Street NG Kerk, Brooklyn, Pretoria at 4pm. As Rexleigh explains:
“Bouquet” is a plant-inspired (flower theme) concert program comprising opera favourites, which will be performed by members of Sempre Opera. The program will also feature excerpts from a new opera about Gaynor Young, called Lost in a Bluebell Wood.
Lost in a Bluebell Wood is a story of great personal courage, loving support and self-acceptance, which has a universal message for all people.The poetic libretto (overlaid with the Greek myth of Persephone and Demeter) and original music of Lost in a Bluebell Wood are totally my work and for this performance I will conduct the chorus, soloists and an instrumental ensemble. The Armonia Chamber Singers will be coached by chorus master, Schalk van der Merwe. A sign language component utilised by soloists and chorus to selective dramatic effect will be choreographed and coached by Avril Cummins, and directed by Karoly Pinter.
Rexleigh is making a video of “my numbers” during this event which she hopes to then use as a marketing tool to get sponsorship and funding for a full operatic production in 2015.
Isn’t this tremendously exciting? Once I have a copy of that days video, I look forward to sharing it with you via my blog. If any of you are in the vicinity on October 5th, please pop in and feast your eyes and ears.
I know that it will be magnificent!

Anyone interested in getting involved with the full 2015 production of Lost in a Bluebell Wood please contact Rexleigh at: bunyard@acenet.co.za

The post Music of the Gods! appeared first on 'ear 'ear! by Gaynor Young.