mother Archives - 'ear 'ear! by Gaynor Young

Snatching Joy From The Jaws of Despair!

Gaynor Young — Fri, 10 Jul 2015 04:27:59 +0000

‘I believe the God who’s holding me up is bigger than my circumstances. And I’m going to enjoy the process of seeing how He works in what should be, otherwise, miserable, hard circumstances – may we find the joy that God has for us…..’
Philippians 1:12-26

My Mother has spent the past month in and out of hospital.
On the first occasion, she collapsed unable to breathe. The cardiologist said that Mum was having a cardiac failure. Her lungs were surrounded by water.
Hospital!
On one of my visits, I bumped into Erin who had come to see how Mum was doing. I hadn’t seen Erin for quite a while. In December she’d had a stroke and had to have major brain surgery. She looked really good; her hair in a grey crew cut seemed to shimmer with life. While Mum spoke to her other visitors, the two of us seemed to be inexplicably drawn together at the side of Mum’s bed.
I had brain damage due to my fall. She had brain damage due to her stroke. I asked her how she was and those clear blue eyes met mine directly.
“Physically I get stronger daily. It’s this brain of mine, that I find so…so frustrating!”
I laughed gently. “Ahhhh, welcome to the conundrum of this wonderfully, complex little organ of ours – the brain!”
“Do you know, Gaynor, that I can type at my computer but I am now unable to read what I have written.”
“Ahhh,” I said as memory instantly sprang to life. “Erin, I was unable to read for about fifteen months after my accident. My Occupational Therapist cut out a little square of paper that I would place over each word and read them individually. I would battle when I came to the end of a line. Where to go to next…?
“Yes, you…you understand!” Erin breathed.
That was the thing. I did understand. So often, post accident, people would offer me platitudes of: “I know just how you feel. Don’t worry, things will get better.”
But, they didn’t know how I felt. How could they? Their brains were working fine. The frustration with oneself, the despair, the knowledge that you didn’t work as you used to. That you were different. That a new person now had to make sense of the incredibly complex world surrounding you. I spoke of all of this to Erin. I knew and was familiar with the dark, fathomless world she now found herself in. I was able to empathise with her on the same level, and give her encouragement.
I understood.
Mums second trip to the hospital was for a bone graft on her broken leg. That went well but on the second day her breathing went haywire. Once again the pleura around her lungs had filled with fluid. She was moved to ICU and put onto a steady stream of oxygen.
One feels so utterly helpless. I wanted to breathe for Mum. I wanted to draw huge lungfuls of air into that thin, battling chest. But it was not to be. She had to fight the fluid alone.
In ICU, each bed is separated by curtains. Because of the close proximity, she heard the conversations at the next door bed and realised that something really bad had happened to the patient. “I think the young man next door to me has lost his leg in a shark attack!”
What a total nightmare! The next morning at the suggestion of my sister, Megs, who had read about the story online in New Zealand, I went across to his curtain and peered round.
“I’m sorry to barge in like this but I thought that perhaps my book might offer some encouragement to you all. I used to be an actress but had a fall onstage which left me with severe brain damage.” I said passing over My Plunge to Fame to his mother. I had written on the front page:
This is to give you hope!
I kiss your eyes
Gaynor
Incredibly, I learnt that Caleb was a first year drama student at UCT. We had a lot in common! I had even been his drama lecturer, Luke Ellenbogen‘s babysitter! A couple of days later, he was moved out of ICU to a ward. I paid him a couple of visits and met his family. I really liked them.
On my last visit, I said to him: “At the moment, you are the focus of attention. Everyone’s eyes are on you. You and your family are holding up wonderfully. But time moves on, Caleb. Eventually you will no longer be front page news. You will probably go through really tough times. I did. There will be times when it is an effort to smile at things that normally cause a laugh to bubble out of you. Then, you will have to call upon your own inner strength to move forward. But just know you will find that strength with the support of your family, friends and your great faith. Just remember, once you reach rock bottom, there is only one way to go – up!
These recent hospital encounters have reminded me of how in the bleakest times of our lives, we are given opportunities to encourage and motivate others and be a conduit of hope. Often we become so embroiled in our own concerns and “angst” that we fail to see the bigger picture. No matter what happens to us, there is always a way. We might be forced to change direction, to go on a route we hadn’t anticipated.
This is frightening but also strangely enough – liberating!

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Music of the Gods!

Gaynor Young — Fri, 19 Sep 2014 04:16:52 +0000

I am going to speak about something that is incredibly precious to me. Music! What makes this so exciting is that the music involved is an opera. An opera about my Mother and me!
Let me tell you how it all came about.
Rexleigh Bunyard is a musician-composer and music teacher. Out of blue, I received a e-mail from her in which she expressed the idea of wanting to write an opera about Mum and me. I read that sentence again. Yes, I had read it correctly. She wanted to write an opera about Mum and me! Why did she want to write an opera about….oh, of course, my accident! I spoke to Mum about this e-mail. She was not happy with this idea at all. Making enjoyable entertainment out of a heart shattering piece of life was lunacy, as far as she was concerned, definitely not on! But, she was willing to meet Rexleigh and hear what she had to say. While staying with my sister in Cape Town, Rexleigh came to see us.
On meeting Rexleigh, Mum’s antipathy to her fell away. Here was a woman who was open to our feelings and needs. If we had said that we were not happy with the whole concept, Rexleigh would have cancelled it instantly. We listened intently to Rexleigh’s idea.
In December 1989, Rexleigh had been greeted with the news of my fall when she opened the morning newspaper. Like the rest of South Africa she had followed my progress closely. She had always felt a close affinity for the life of Helen Keller and her amazing teacher, Anne Sullivan. She drew a parallel to the lives of Mum and me. “Both you and Helen Keller suffered extreme losses and emerged with the help of your mentors, as highly enriched human beings with extraordinary perspectives which you have shared with humanity, to our gain. I have the utmost admiration for people who have survived and triumphed over crippling events in their lives. My opera will be a tribute to your efforts and a testimony of your great spirit.”
Rexleigh told us that she would like to have the singers signing in the the production. “Although the signing would be a dramatic enhancement to the text and music, rather than an interpretive device for a deaf audience to be able to follow the whole story of the opera.”
Well, okay, but it would be pretty amazing just the same, I thought. How could one possibly put a stop to such an undertaking!
And so, Rexleigh began composing her opera Lost in a Bluebell Wood. She explained: “I chose opera as my medium because it has all the serious dramatic and musical ingredients to put across such a powerful tale. And, why Lost in a Bluebell Wood you may ask? “Well”, says Rexleigh “that is a long story, but it involves the paradox of loss and beauty.”
The arts journalist, Johan Myburg, asked why she decided on the Greek myth of Persephone and Demeter as a subtext for the opera?
“The profile of Gaynor Young’s story fits the symbolic profile of the Greek myth of Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest (mother) and Persephone (daughter). Persephone was captured by Hades (the Lord of the Underworld) and taken to his realm. Her mother, Demeter searched for her daughter over all the Earth. Upon discovering that she had been kidnapped, Demeter pleaded for her release. This was only partially granted, because the condition of her release was that she should not have eaten anything during her stay in Hades. As she was leaving, myth has it that Hades gave Persephone a pomegranate seed. She ate it and was thus thereafter allowed to live half the year in the world with her mother and half of the year in the Underworld, with Hades.”
This myth is a symbolic story about a seed falling into the ground and growing. Spring and Summer are the seasons of growth, and Autumn and Winter are the seasons of withdrawal when the seed lies in the ground, waiting for the next Spring.
Gaynor fell into the bowels of the earth, literally but also symbolical. She went on a very difficult life journey with extreme injuries as a result of her accident, from which she has emerged as a motivational speaker and inspirational writer. She says that her Mother raised her twice. The journey she took was as much a spiritual one as a physical one. She has been symbolically “reborn” like a seed which “dies” and then grows into a plant as part of its life cycle, to bear fruit and then cast its own seeds into the ground.”
I love the way Rexleigh has kept me updated on her work since she began. This was one of the first pieces she sent me. It is the words for a duet between mother and daughter….

I believe

there’s beauty to be found

in every moment

in silence and in sound

It’s in the air

it’s everywhere

even in our anguish

and our deepest dark,

beyond despair

When we have travelled

near or far

When we’re content to be

just who we are

It doesn’t matter anymore

If we are in the right

or wrong

What matters most is

if we sing the song

of life and laughter

tears and pain

and if we can forgive and let it go,

and love and lose it all,

and learn

to love again,

and love again

My heart sings with the beauty of this!
Rexleigh teaches so could only work on Lost in a Bluebell Wood in her spare time. But, a number of the songs are now complete! Rexleigh is showcasing them in ‘Bouquet’ on October 5th in the Stella Street NG Kerk, Brooklyn, Pretoria at 4pm. As Rexleigh explains:
“Bouquet” is a plant-inspired (flower theme) concert program comprising opera favourites, which will be performed by members of Sempre Opera. The program will also feature excerpts from a new opera about Gaynor Young, called Lost in a Bluebell Wood.
Lost in a Bluebell Wood is a story of great personal courage, loving support and self-acceptance, which has a universal message for all people.The poetic libretto (overlaid with the Greek myth of Persephone and Demeter) and original music of Lost in a Bluebell Wood are totally my work and for this performance I will conduct the chorus, soloists and an instrumental ensemble. The Armonia Chamber Singers will be coached by chorus master, Schalk van der Merwe. A sign language component utilised by soloists and chorus to selective dramatic effect will be choreographed and coached by Avril Cummins, and directed by Karoly Pinter.
Rexleigh is making a video of “my numbers” during this event which she hopes to then use as a marketing tool to get sponsorship and funding for a full operatic production in 2015.
Isn’t this tremendously exciting? Once I have a copy of that days video, I look forward to sharing it with you via my blog. If any of you are in the vicinity on October 5th, please pop in and feast your eyes and ears.
I know that it will be magnificent!

Anyone interested in getting involved with the full 2015 production of Lost in a Bluebell Wood please contact Rexleigh at: bunyard@acenet.co.za

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“When God Created Mothers”

Gaynor Young — Wed, 18 Jun 2014 04:09:25 +0000

Happy Birthday, my wonderful, blessed Mums!

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of “overtime” when the angel appeared and said. “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”

And God said, “Have you read the specs on this order?” She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts…all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands.”

The angel shook her head slowly and said. “Six pairs of hands…. no way.”

It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” God remarked, “it’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”

That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel. God nodded.

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ‘What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. ‘I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”

God,” said the angel touching his sleeve gently, “Get some rest tomorrow….”

I can’t,” said God, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick…can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger…and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower.”

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed.

But tough!” said God excitedly. “You can imagine what this mother can do or endure.”

Can it think?”

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.

There’s a leak,” she pronounced. “I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model.”

It’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “It’s a tear.”

What’s it for?”

It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”

You are a genius, ” said the angel.

Sombrely, God said, “I didn’t put it there.”

― Erma Bombeck,

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